It’s been so long since I’ve written in this way. So it’s a bit awkward and uneventful. I know I don’t need to try to cover months of time and happenings in just one moment, and yet I think that’s how I feel. So many cluttered things laying around in my mind.
In many ways I’m finding that my life is not what I thought it would be at 35. I imagined this woman that would have all of the things figured out. Schedules and relationships all perfectly neat and sorted. Parenting and balancing work and todos all flowing smoothly and effortlessly. Rather, I’m waking up each day still having to choose what type of heart I will have for the day. Do I rise above my disappointments and challenges, flip it to the positive, and take hold of the opportunities in front of me? Or do I sulk and hesitate to get going, and pull back for wanting of knowing what’s even going on in my life, world and mind/heart?
I am so incredibly grateful for all that God continues to do, HAS DONE, and will do in my life. It’s harder than I thought it would be. I thought I had walked away from most of my troubles years ago and was on the up and up. But I have what matters most. My challenges aren’t even what they could be. So why do I still struggle to stay focused, fixed on what I can do, and who God is? Gosh, what grace He continues to extend to me in every moment. Continuing to give me wisdom, strength, compassion and protection and so much more.
This past year plus has been hard emotionally and mentally in ways my husband and I hadn’t encountered before. We’ve both come from broken, dysfunctional homes. Families that truly do love and have good intentions most often, and yet are still learning to heal and grow. And here we are, doing the same in our own ways. We weren’t ready for these new layers of revealing and pulling back the pains and fears. Yet it has rocked me, steadied me in the long run, and I’m finding a deeper sense of peace in God’s beautiful plans for us, who I am, and what my goals and purposes are in life.
So once again, friend. Hang in there. Keep taking one day at a time. New beginnings are coming all over with a new, weird school year, with changes in jobs and positions, a new business being launched, and just asking God all over again, “What would you have for us in this new season?”
God, bring us exactly to where we need to be in each moment. Please provide abundantly in all things, go before us and have the victory in our fears and mountains. You’ve promised and so we believe and take you at your word. You are so good and faithful. You know the desires of our hearts, what we’re working and striving for. So bring to pass the dreams you’ve given us, and take away what holds us back. Keep us in the middle of your will and comfort and peace and protection. Stir up a new fire of strength, promise and joy in us!
Thank you, thank you, for not wasting a season that I would so readily want to throw away…
Ps. Thanks Debbie for our family pics again this year https://anavistaphotography.com