The days are getting shorter. And when you feel like you nap or sleep or nurse the whole day long they feel even shorter. Today was pretty overcast and gray as well so it just made for an all over moody sort of day. Something I could relate to Pooh Bear and his scarf wandering through the blustery 100 Acre Wood.
There’s been a back and forth to these days. A couple sweet days in a row where the nights weren’t too long and I had bursts of energy and sunshine and things were accomplished which swept into a long patch of late morning hours or half the day of fussing… still trying to figure this sweet girl out and at the same time trying to remind myself that it wasn’t all smooth sailing with the others either. You spend so much energy trying to figure out what the gas is, what the cry is, what the what is… lol but I wonder how much of it just is what it is. Try to keep up with me here… that made sense in my own head. lol
It’s like the big kids… you teach them to do this or that… and then you remind and reteach and at the end of the day their training is “in progress.” It’s never that you taught them once and then it was perfect from then on. Some days life is going to be a bit messy and you’ll just have to go with the flow. Other days you’ll put your foot down and exert some control. Having wisdom and discernment to know the difference is always the tough part but I’m learning to trust my Heavenly Father more and more in each and every moment. So often God waits patiently for us until we ask and cry out. It’s not that He doesn’t see us or know our needs, He certainly does. He’s everywhere and knows everything… so why doesn’t He just jump in?
I think that if He always jumps in without our invitation it cuts off the opportunity for maturity, trust and growth to rise up in our heart and in our relationship with Him. A relationship is a back and forth – not one side just running the show and manipulating and controlling every piece. He’s so gracious to pursue us and meet every need and yet allow us a freedom to choose Him in return. The crazy part is is that everything I need is in his presence, so why do we so often fight getting into that space? (Spend time praying and journaling that response maybe)
So what’s my goal in this season? I’ll be honest that on days like today I realize that so much of me just wants it ‘all put together.’ I just want it to go smoothly and have everyone and everything just be perfectly in place. So much less stressful that way. Not being able to figure things out or control my world and life exposes my limitations. I grew up with such a burden to figure things out on my own that so much of my adult walk with the Lord has been learning how to fall into his embrace, to turn my face to his, to ask and trust and receive.
So I ask myself – what is the priority right now? For today, for these few months, for this season? Inherently it will always be; To glorify God in all that I do. To display Christ to my husband and kids and those around me.
So many of these situations we find ourselves in isn’t just a matter of ‘how do I figure this out,’ but rather, ‘God what are you showing me in this? How can I trust you and bring your kingdom into this situation? What would you have from me right now?’
Such a turning of thinking. Such a change of mindset and heart. That’s why the Bible talks about being transformed by the renewing of our minds. Our minds and hearts steer the directions of our lives by what we choose to believe and see and do. God is wanting to show us and walk with us in everything. To go before us fight our battles and display His glory to us and the entire world. We can’t see if it we aren’t paying attention. And I wonder how much He isn’t moving because we haven’t turned and asked and cried out to Him…