After literally months of anticipation we drove off last Thursday headed to upstate NY to visit my dear cousin and his new wife. His mama, my aunt who’s been like another mama to me, came all the way from TX to be with our hoodlums while we were gone. In the best of hands we take off. They’ll be busy with gatherings, beach days and library visits. Enjoying taking each leg of the journey slowly and comfortably; we’re not rushed, it’s a joy and refreshing. Especially with little miss coming this fall, I know this time is precious. We’ll have to fight for these quiet moments a little harder for a time.
It’s so overwhelmingly wonderful to be welcomed in and wanted, to share not just physical space, but heart space. To be trusted by fires and share laughs and frustrations. To open up and share family and pains, dreams we hope for and hurdles we’re working to overcome. Life is too short and as I sat across the living space I saw a man who’s nothing who I thought he was. It’s been an incredible wonder to be surprised in so many wonderful ways. Death has brought his face back to me and each time he’s walked through again to be there in the midst of our shared grief. What strength and courage it is to walk through darkness, be consumed by it, and choose to mend and stand up again
to take hold of what life can be. I didn’t see it before, torn up with my own pain, as we wrestled with the reality of my brother being gone, but I see it now. Your steadiness, commitment to loved-ones, your pursuit and intentionality, your strength and courage. Your stoic, slow and strong demeanor clothes a passionate and tender heart that wrestles with every important matter of this life. You take it all to heart and desire to make this life the best it can be, to be the best you can be for those you love and this one shot at life we’ve all been given. You don’t take it lightly. We are not fools, those who choose to seek the greatness this life can so easily elude with others. You see what other’s don’t, so please know God goes before you and is preparing your way. Nothing can tear down your purpose and your dreams unless you choose to walk away from them. What God has established no man or anything in heaven or hell can destroy. You were born to display his glory in every fiber of your beautiful being. You were knit together for greatness. So don’t fear the unknown, the unexpected and the hardships. You walk with your head up high and hold that tender hand of hers securely. You will prosper and flourish and be so very blessed. Stay tender, be brave and don’t fear. Every good and perfect thing you need will always be in His heart and hands for you.
There’s magical moments I remember being out in those fields in Hemlock and exploring the tiny creek where they put up feeble little tree forts. They weren’t much but they expressed a freedom and courageous childhood that I longed for. These amazing, wild, dark and beautiful children were an extension of my sibling tribe and to be honest, for a few years I feared being wanted into their world as we grew and went our ways. Lately, as we walk some of these roads together I’m seeing how God is pulling our hearts together again. We need each other and what a comfort to know you’re there for me and I am for you. So much runs in our blood and I almost laugh when I see and am reminded of how we’re woven together. I’m so grateful for the memories, the funny stuff we remember and only get. The incredible things we can recall from Chestnut St. So much I’m grateful for.
So thank you again, sweetheart. Thank you so much for those hugs and your sincerity and honesty. We’re still wild and free. Don’t forget it. I will always be here for you.