My Expectations of This Life.

All I can seem to think today is, “I want life to just be simple.” It’s the way it seems to keep pushing from my thoughts while quite a few feelings and situations roll within my heart and mind.

It’s exhausting just trying to contemplate how to get it all out into words. The world is a battle ground. We exist in a place where we experience some of the things that bring us the closest to heaven, and the closest to hell. I feel grateful to be trusted with tender hearts that are walking through valleys, and also such joy in being able to celebrate great victories, and also simple, beautiful moments like just building drive thru buildings with lego blocks with my son. The simple beautiful ones seem to put the others into a sharper perspective too somehow.

FullSizeRender 15I keep being pulled back to this incredible realization that my Jesus knows both the extremes of sorrow and joy. The Bible says Jesus is the fullness of joy. His character is the absolutely completeness of joy. In Him we have and find joy. The Bible also talks about how he was a man acquainted with grief and sorrow. He bore the entire weight of sin on his shoulders as he was crucified. He walked with mankind while He was here on earth and even now the Bible says He’s seated at the right hand of the Father and continually intercedes for us.

Jesus, I don’t know how to do both. In my human capacity I feel as though I either want to wallow and be consumed with grief and anger, or I fight to stay ignorant of pain and what’s going on in the lives of others – or even what’s stirring within my own heart.

I wish we truly knew what it meant to seize the moment. To make every day count. There’s a lot of ‘mundane’ that gets mixed within the extravagant and miraculous. Do I choose to see it and engage in it? It seems to hurt because of the things I don’t see completed yet. We pray and wait. We pray and hold on to promises. We fight to even continue hoping and praying.

Here’s something to pray into and let God speak to you:

Peace with God Through Faith

aTherefore, since we have been justified by faith, bwe1 have peace with Godthrough our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also cobtained access byfaith2 into this grace din which we stand, and ewe3 rejoice4 in hope of the glory of God.Not only that, but we frejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering gproducesendurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, andhhope does not put us to shame, because God’s love ihas been poured into our heartsthrough the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

For jwhile we were still weak, at the right time kChrist died for the ungodly. For onewill scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dareeven to die— but lGod shows his love for us in that mwhile we were still sinners, Christdied for us. Since, therefore, nwe have now been justified by his blood, much more shallwe be saved by him from othe wrath of God. 10 For if pwhile we were enemies qwe werereconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shallwe be saved by rhis life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord JesusChrist, through whom we have now received sreconciliation.

Friends, all I know is what I hold on to at the end of the day. What my soul and heart know I can’t forsake. The truth that stirs and keeps my soul at peace in the midst of these storms and depravities. I can smile as I gaze upon the grass and dandelions and walk along the cold shore as the water catches my ankles. My son feels the sand in his feet as though for the first time in his life. He sees the beauty and miraculousness of it all. And isn’t it still reality?

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where did 2 & 1/2 years go already?

My life is a culmination of the things that have and haven’t ‘gone right.‘ My heart now though fights to accept life the way it is and yet is at peace with where God has me in this moment. I have so much that I don’t deserve and at the same time I’m in awe at the valleys and mountains that have been torn down on my behalf because God has chosen in his great will that He would love me and pursue me.

I want everything to be in His will now. Let heaven come. Let your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Let them be restored. Give them healing. Defeat the lies. Speak the truth. Love them unabatedly. I feel as though my heart could burst. Grateful. At peace. Angry. Dissatisfied. Expectant. Impatient. Full. In awe. Help me to walk this out moment by moment. 

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. – Proverbs 9:10
In all things God works for the good of those that love Him and have been called according to His purpose in Christ Jesus. – Romans 8:28
Mourn with those that mourn. – Romans 12:15
Pray without ceasing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16
jIf any of you lacks wisdom, klet him ask God, lwho gives generously to all withoutreproach, and it will be given him. 6 But mlet him ask in faith, nwith no doubting, for theone who doubts is like oa wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For thatperson must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; phe is a double-minded man, qunstable in all his ways. – James 1: 5-8DSC00349

These are just the few verses that come to my mind. And I do know that if these things in life weren’t important, they wouldn’t pull at me so. Father, help us each to walk
according to the Spirit, in how you’ve called and directed each and every one of us. We are your hands and feet and so much can be done through them. Thank you that you use imperfect people. Thank you that everything we’ll ever need comes from your hands. Help us to trust you with each step. Give us wisdom. And give us rest.

 

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