Happy Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day comes with a range of emotions for the whole spectrum of us. I pray for those that approach each Mother’s Day with sorrow and anxiety due to loss, hard life circumstances, infertility, etc. The more I live this life the more I see the hardships that we as humanity walk through and by God’s love and grace He never leaves us, but walks with us and holds us and guides us. Yet the reality of these various circumstances are insanely difficult and do push us to the depths of our being.
My mom, for example, is facing her 3rd Mother’s Day tomorrow without her first baby boy. There’s times I know I’m grieving for her as a mother. I can’t imagine the road she’s been walking these past three years, and God is so faithful and good to continue showing her and reminding her of His love for her through it all. We also hold on to the promise that Erik is with Christ in the glory of the Father right now. I love you brother.
And so I look into the faces of my sweet three and the literally growing realization of this little girl coming in September. My children are the ones that made me a mother. Just like for you out there, your children, whatever ‘children’ that may mean or encompass, they’re the ones that have created the other half of that relationship and so then out of that we get totake on the title of Mother. Their lives, who they are, and our experiences together have shaped me and made me into the Mother I am, just as much I feel, as my own personality and life coming into it all. It’s been a culmination of both converging together over time. I’m a way different mom than I was even 5 years ago, thank God.
Success for me in motherhood (and I’m not saying this as if I’ve already obtained in), is that I’ve willingly submitted myself to the journey and process of it all and have allowed God, The Father, to guide me. He’s the beginning of all wisdom and is our perfect Father. So many times I’ve been at the end of myself in knowing what to do, or how to change, or whatever the circumstance was, and God has been so good and faithful to give me encouragement, wisdom, insight, direction, and provision. We won’t have everything in and of ourselves to be everything our children need. That’s humanly impossible. But God does. And he’s placed you here for a reason with the children He’s given you. Take heart in that, and give yourself to his leading.
Also, just enjoy it. It’s got so many ups and downs that part of giving yourself to the whole process is just going with whatever comes your way. Your son will have rough days, your daughter will be a jerk to her friend when she’s still learning to be insightful and compassionate, your husband is still learning too. The ‘normal’ we’re all currently experiencing is just a river. It’s constantly changing with life and circumstances and just remember you won’t have it all figured out all the time. Give yourself some credit and remember what matters most.
To My Kids
So I find myself, as much as I am a verbal person, taking in so much of these deep emotions internally. I catch myself feeling things that I should share openly with them. Like how much something means to me that they did, or how proud of them I am for something. So here are some thoughts from a grateful mommy of four, that’s just taking this all day by day and is blown away at God’s provision and blessings. I don’t deserve any of this, I’ve just learned through many mistakes, how to enjoy it all a little more, give myself to the molding process, and stop to smell those dandelions bouquets that get brought in from the yard for me.
How could I start off with anything but, I love you.
Your lives are such a gift and I am so deeply grateful and just incredibly overwhelmed at the blessing and wisdom of God. You each display such a beautiful part of God’s heart and character and He has and continues to teach me such powerful and wonderful things through my relationships with each of you.
I want to be perfect for you. I lose my temper. I scold you too harshly. I regret things I’ve said and could say it’s all been done to make you a better person. But truly God has given me the ability to change and grow and become the kinder, wiser, more compassionate and intentional mommy that you want and need. I’ve healed and grown in countless ways and I am absolutely better today because of the responsibilities, joys, and challenges of parenthood. God’s also shown me how to forgive others and myself.
So I’ve come to you in forgiveness many times. It’s my hope and prayer we continue to display that and that’s a constant part of our relationship. I’m excited for all that you’re going to do in your life and all that I get to witness. I’m so proud of each of you. You each possess such strengths and kindness and it moves me.
I can’t express the gratitude I feel to just be present and given this life. I’m always here for you, to offer you encouragement, remind you of direction and wisdom, and to push you further. There’s too much in life that brings people down, and I know you each are going to be such a light for God’s hope and truth.
You’ve believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Those incredible eyes believing that mom is the most amazing person ever – when I know my own shortcomings. God is so insanely good and miraculous to give us you, when we absolutely don’t deserve you. It’s humbling and incredible.
You think I know everything and there’s times coming more when you think I don’t understanding anything! Ha! And that’s okay too. I’m committed to working through it all and having those tough conversations.
I’m always going to be here for you. Rooting you on and praying for you. Fighting to lay down the tasks to enjoy the shenanigans with you. Working together to accomplish goals and learning how to be a family that works together and fights for each other. Working to create a safe and founded home so that we can impact the world together.
I love you. Thank you for making me a mommy. It’s absolutely the best joy/job ever.
Happy you-made-me-a-Mother’s Day!
2 Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
James 1 ESV