In the matter of a few weeks just about everything about our year as changed. I would love to have everything planned and figured out, but just like many of you I’m just doing this thing one day at a time. Today in particular was a big day emotionally as my hubby and I finally decided that I will not be going back to Haiti this year with the team from my church. I have full peace about this and yet as I sat in service this morning I found myself tearing up while thinking of it all. The way the service was arranged I could peer straight across the auditorium and see my dear friend Sarah and her hubby, who are going, and was filled with so many emotions.
Last year was tremendous. I still know that God sent me to Haiti to give and receive something. He absolutely did and it was incredible. I believe that so many aspects of who I am, my purpose, and my callings were affirmed and released. Deep friendships were formed. A huge part of my heart broke open for the Body of Christ in such a bigger way. I am still praying into how He wants to fit that into my purpose and ministry.
So then this year? On January 29th this year I wrote in my journal the events that I was going to be a part of so far this year, the next few steps in the process for The Encouraging Voice, and then my prayer list;
- Keep me asking for your direction and your will
- Holy Spirit LEAD ME!!
- Better video ideas and quality
- Success with the companies
- Help with writing the book!
- Have your way in all of this! May you be glorified and known!
That’s exactly verbatim how I wrote it in my journal. I realize they’re kinda vague but kind of open to whatever God wants for me. I still wrestle with the balance with asking directly for things. I always end up book-ending my prayers with, “Lord, I really want “X” but whatever happens let your will be done!” In the end I know God is good and sovereign enough to lead me in his will if my heart’s in the right place. And I truly do want his will and to be within his heart and blessing. But I know He wants us to come boldly and ask! He desires that we trust him and share our heart transparently.
So anyhow this year’s gotten pretty busy pretty fast. I have a hard time getting pulled in too many directions and yet I do it to myself all the time. Lol. It’s great. But, what if God is helping me refocus back into what I started the year off wanting to accomplish? What is my purpose now and for this year? If I could just zero in on my family, my community and The Encouraging Voice…. wouldn’t that be absolutely wonderful? Especially for this girl that gets too distracted and overwhelmed easily??
So we’ll see. Today was a great day, but I felt every part of it. I wept telling a few of you that I wouldn’t be going. It wasn’t out of sadness in the normal way. Just a part of my heart that longs to be with you this summer as you prepare and then when you go. I feel like I’ll be missing out, and yet not really because in God’s will I’m never truly missing out. He has plans for me. Please know though, that my heart is with you friends.
Lord, I trust you and I thank you for whatever you’re doing. I don’t understand it but I know it’s for a reason. I started this year thinking that I’d be potentially going on more missions trips and breaking out a new business… but now things have shifted and it’s not what I expected but part of me feels like it’s the things I had hoped or maybe need? I don’t know how to explain it. But either way it’s going to be good. You’ve got plans for me.